you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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