I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
