people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
