I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
