For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
