i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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