At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
