Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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