Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
