Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
