i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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