great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
