He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
