At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
