that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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