he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
