Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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