I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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