I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
