he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
there was a trapeze. enough said
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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