we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
