I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
