oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
