Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
