Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
