Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
