She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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