Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
