just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
