I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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