you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
