I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
