i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
