tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
