i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is it penis luge time yet?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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