I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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