I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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