you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
