we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
