Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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