I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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