It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
