I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
