Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
