I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
