Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
