I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
