Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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