happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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