I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
