You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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