I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
someone owes me an orgasm
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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