ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
