How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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