Christians are straight up FREAKS
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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