Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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