The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
