I showed him my bush... on skype.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
