I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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