So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
