i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
