Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
