dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
