I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
