I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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