Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
