I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
