dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
