you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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