My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
