the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
