I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
