i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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