i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
