if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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