Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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