just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
