TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
