i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
