I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize