Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Randomize