please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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