He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
