3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
