if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
