the condom got lost in my hair
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
