This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize