Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
