I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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