this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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