well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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